There were so many moments when I swallowed my discomfort, kept quiet about my needs, and bent my values—all in the name of keeping the peace. I told myself it was easier that way. Easier than being misunderstood. Easier than risking the loss of a relationship. And that became my default: avoid the discomfort, stay agreeable, be liked.
But I started to resent people—for not seeing me, for not understanding me, for not giving me what I never actually asked for.
The truth is, I was showing up as two different people: the version I was for others, and the one I was when I was alone. They didn’t recognize each other. In fact, they spent years in conflict. I was editing myself down into something more digestible for the people around me—and in the process, I starved myself of truth.
It’s taken time, but I’ve realized that communication in relationships isn’t just about talking to other people—it’s about getting honest with yourself first.
If you’re not clear on your own boundaries, values, or needs, how can anyone else be? How can you ask for what you want if you haven’t taken the time to understand it yourself?
When you know what matters to you, expressing it becomes less about confrontation and more about clarity.
Listening is a part of this, too.
The best communicators aren’t the loudest—they’re the ones who understand a topic so deeply they can explain it simply. They don’t need to win the argument. They’re there to be understood, and to understand.
No question is a stupid question. Every question is an opening to connect—if we let it be.
Miguelangel Dorta 
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